this one is about a different kind of relationship- not that lovey dovey kind, but that friend kind.
to be quite frank, i’ve realized that it’s just time to let you go.
i’ve always believed that there are so many amazing people out in the world and that my goal would be to meet as many of them as possible. which is exactly why i don’t understand how the hell it’s taken me all this time to realize that i’ve been trying my heart out to nourish very specific friendships that refuse to grow while there are so many other “fish in the sea.” i realize that a friendship, like any relationship, “takes two to tango”… so why the fuck am i out here dancing by my damn self!?
i’ve realized that i have tons of friends who are/were merely friends with me out of convenience. “oh, so you’re my homeboy’s girlfriend?” “oh, so you hang out with my best friend too?” ”oh cool, we have the same work schedule!” “omg, i always run into you at this bar!” “you’re in this class too?!”… and then all of a sudden you and that guy break up… all of sudden you don’t hang out with her best friend anymore… all of sudden she doesn’t work at the office anymore… all of sudden you decided to stop going out drinking so much… all of a sudden you graduated… and of course, she’s nowhere to be found. surprise, surprise… story.of.my.life… as of late.
it’s hard to notice at first, but after a while- after enough times of trying and failing at calling your friend to hang out – it starts to feel a bit tedious. and even when it does work, after enough times of the-only-time-we-hang-out-is-when-i-call-you; then you start to wonder why and it’s because you’re the only one trying. honestly, she.doesn’t.care.as.much.
and so i’ve decided. i’ve decided to let you go. i’ve decided that it shouldn’t take this much effort just to be friends- and if it does, it’s not a friendship. it’s just me being your punkass minion. it’s me being the robin to your batman. obviously, i need you, but you certainly don’t need me.
i know it won’t make a difference to you since, you know, you totally go out of your way all the time to kick it with me.
since you bothered to call me when you knew damn well that i had nothing to do that night.
since you totally went out of your way to come have coffee with me that one time in the span of five years that you’ve been home for the holidays.
or not.
okay, so that last one was an exaggeration- but that’s what it feels like. that’s exactly what it feels like- to think that all this time you’ve had a damn good friend, only to realize that you’ve had a damn good flake.
