i don’t hate you because you’re beautiful. i hate you because you’re a bitch.

24 11 2010

so there’s this song on the radio right now. i think it’s called “pretty girl rock” by keri hilson. the very first time i heard it, i immediately took issue with it. this is the way i see it…

if you’re beautiful, lucky you. GOD made you that way. it’s no reason to hate you. pretty girls aren’t hated because they’re beautiful. if i could pay god to make everyone amazingly beautiful, then i would. it would just make walking around and seeing the world around me all the more aesthetically pleasing. i’ve known many many many beautiful girls who were, indeed, 100% sweethearts. so of course, there was no reason to hate them. that’s the good kind of pretty girl. now, on the other hand, there are pretty girls out there who get hated on… and the reason is because they are complete bitches. that’s the bad kind of pretty girl. the one you actually do hate.

now let’s start with the good pretty girl. she’s pretty and she knows she’s pretty. when someone compliments her on her looks, she says “thank you” and leaves it at that. when it’s been a while and you’re catching up, she doesn’t go on and on about all the guys that have been chasing her tail. she talks about other things- more important things. her favorite pictures aren’t solo shots of herself after a great makeover, they’re pictures of good times she’s had with friends and family. to her, looks are not everything. looks are just a plus. a plus that she happened to be blessed with.

and then there’s the bad pretty girl. yup, that bitch that you hate. you know, the girl who goes out thinking she doesn’t  have to bring any cash because every guy that sees her will buy her a drink. she’s the one that’s pretty and knows she’s pretty and is definitely not shy to talk about how pretty she is. her main objective: finding girls who she can accuse of being jealous of her- so that she can show off just how envied she is, ultimately making herself feel even better… about herself. come on now. if you’re soooo remarkably beautiful, why go through all the trouble of accusing other girls of being jealous of you? stop telling everyone that “they’re jealous.” if they are jealous, just let them be. no need to draw excess attention to it: posting it on facebook, telling the first person you see, or for that matter writing a whole goddamn song about it, miss keri baby. (which my younger brother owen so ingeniously pointed out can be misunderstood as “miscarry baby.”) quite honestly, i think the only reason a pretty girl would accuse another girl of being jealous is because she does feel somewhat threatened by her. she’s got to attack her in some way. she’s got to make herself feel even better than that girl: so “not only is she not as pretty as me, but she’s jealous of me too!”

and as her secondary objective: find flaws in other people and point them out in any way possible whether it be making fun of them to others or just treating them like shit to their faces, again ultimately making herself feel even better… about herself. 

you.are.a.hands.down.b-i-atch.

god, you’re already pretty- just be thankful for that. why do you have to go about treating people like they’re not as good as you or talking badly about people so that rest of the world thinks they’re not as good as you? that’s why people hate you… you’re a goddamn evil witchasaurus rex.

she’s a bitch because she has to constantly stroke her own ego and the only other way for her to do that (aside from singing her own praises) is to make other people feel worse about themselves.

and so when it comes down to it, the big question of the night: “if she’s so amazingly and so obviously beautiful, then why does she go to such wicked extremes to make sure everyone knows it?”

… because she knows that she’s got her looks …but not a single thing more.





RUDE

8 03 2010

being on your cell phone during a meal is rude.

… even if you’re just texting or BBM’ing or going online (for goodness sake!)- still rude. at least say “excuse me” or “pardon me” … and you better have a good reason.





the world would be a better place…

15 02 2010

if pretty girls didn’t know they were pretty and if ugly guys didn’t think they were hot.





smoking is the ugliest thing about pretty girls.

3 02 2010

i’m not talking about all pretty girls… but if you do smoke, then i’m talking about you.





i heart sf.

28 09 2009
Honestly, I don’t give a fuck that you’re from New York.
 
I despise when I’m at work and someone comes up to ask a question only to in some way, shape, or form mention to me that they’re from New York. … AND???
 
“So I need a recommendation for a great restaurant tonight… I’m from New York.”
 
SO? You act like the restaurants you have in New York are God’s gift to tummies everywhere.
 
“My boys and I really want to have a good time tonight. Hit a great club and meet some nice lookin’ ladies…Yeah, and we’re from New York.”
 
And that’s supposed to mean what? New York ain’t Vegas buddy.
 
“We want to walk around town today. Where should we go? Oh, and keep in mind, we’re from New York.”
 
And I’m from San Francisco where the blocks are three times longer, the subways are cleaner, the people are nicer, the weather is ten times better, and what we think about our city has SHIT to do with where YOU’re from.




i challenge you…

16 06 2009

www.ihopizelli.mybrute.com





over the phone

27 01 2009

There are some days when I want to set my blackberry on fire and watch it slowly burn into a cool metallic molasses of jpegs and mp3s. I’ve never been a die-hard fan of all the latest and greatest in modern technology, but I think it’s quite unavoidable to not incorporate it into your life in one way or another. But this post is about contempt and not praise or gratitude. With that said, I feel as though cell phones are slowly but surely extinguishing any real relationships we have with people… but maybe that’s just me. I seem to be the only one annoyed with it- or maybe just the only one that vocalizes any frustrations. I understand that cell phones help us to keep in contact with each other. They definitely help on those days when you’re lost in a big city and can’t find your way or when you’re at the airport and need to call your brother to pick you up or when you’re driving around trying to figure out which of your favorite restaurants is open for breakfast on Sunday. But what about the times when you are hanging out with your best friend over a coffee or sitting quietly at church or taking notes in the middle of a huge lecture hall or having a lovely dinner with someone special? Those are the times when I just want to shoot myself in the head. I mean, if it’s just me and taking a cell phone call would be super inconvenient, I can always not answer the phone. But it is a little annoying when your blackberry messenger keeps going off or you’re receiving ten texts in a row. But to me, the most horrible, heart-breaking thing in the world is when I’m trying to have a nice time with someone- just spend quality time with quality friends and they refuse to put away that stupid, annoying little sister of a pile of junk that we call a cell phone. I feel so pushed to the side. I’m sitting there in silence, enjoying my meal, coffee and what not and here they are typing away on their blackberry. I feel like I’m staring off into space and having a meal all by myself. In fact, I would rather just not hang out all together and postpone it to a time when I can actually have someone’s full attention. As we all know, it’s quality over quantity. I would rather see you once a week and have a great, uninterrupted time than to see you every single day and only have a small percent of your attention. Please, save me the humiliation. Really, it’s quite embarassing to be sitting with someone that is completely infatuated with their cell phone and has obviously decided to disregard you entirely.

I really value my relationships with people. I like to talk. I like to hug. I like to see the facial expressions you make when I say outlandish things. I like to hear the sound of your laugh unmuffled and void of static interruption. I like giving power high-fives for totally excellent creative comments… But I can’t do any of that… on my blackberry.